Gordian Garden Brain

up again. 02:40 pdt this time. We fly to ON today, Carly's wedding. All my sisters and brothers together, we do have many laughs while we also overwhelm each other, all of our childhood fears and ways show up. But simply seeing them all is good.

Sluggish, tired from my garden marathon yesterday, it certainly felt like I got a lot done, and Ken made me supper, delish. He was happy to see me outside doing stuff. He's a sweet man. He worries about me, I worry about him, together we try to sustain each other whilst surrounded (threatened) by chaos. We are headed to the BVI, i've never been, feels pretty extravagant but it will be amazing. Snorkelling! I think that must be a Dr. Suess word.

I know he's very discouraged about my sadness (etc), he feels sad too, it's been very hard on him. He works so hard to help me, to help us. I hope he'll be ok.

It was good to be outside yesterday and the day before. Digging in the dirt, I dug up the 2 killer Butterfly bushes (big hole, must get more dirt), all the shastas are gone, yeesh. The roots systems on these plants are incredible (I know there's allegory here somewhere). Some plants are so aggressive others so fragile. They can be so delicate above ground, but like icebergs, their true natures lie deep below the surface. Weeds, plants I don't call weeds, incredible networking, some share their space better than others. Some I can recognize their roots and their shoots, the process of growth, gaining footholds, flowering (even!) learning as I go, blindly really. I found gloves that fit my cocktail weenie fingers so I'm getting less ground-in dirt but I miss the feel of it.

Maybe the stories, the memories, the people are ensnarled in my brain garden. It took a long time to dig out that last butterfly, but it was what I wanted to do, so i just kept going. Fell over a few times (honestly I think my centre of gravity is in my forehead) I am a topple-y beast. Love shovels, love digging, it's like a birthright. So this could be the example for the work I need to do. The longer I wait, the more entangled the memories become, the more they start to rise to the surface, the more they crowd out the things I value as life-sustaining. The more entrenched they become the more Gordian the extraction.

Well, time to be off.

Take care everyone.