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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Smacking of Imperialism

Been quite a while and as per usual, not feeling well, feeling low, that looking at myself from a long distance low that I cannot explain but I guess must accept in the moment and hope it passes, when I have felt like this previously and felt similarly stymied, writing seems to have unearthed, unplugged, transformed the latency. It's frustrating (except that frustration is a powerful feeling and I do not feel any commensurate deep feeling, more frozen, stagnation, paralysis). I have completed 8 sessions of neurofeedback and my before and after qEEGs are promising aka they show improvement but I was wondering a couple things. One: I have not participated in any talk therapy for awhile and it is import to talk  and/or express my thoughts feelers in some fashion, this could account for my current state and two: perhaps it's all part of the peri-menopausal party I seemed to have inadvertently become embroiled in. My menses are powerful strong, heavy, it's bloodletting on a cult-level, surely enough volcanoes have been appeased by now?

Having a voice is crucial to well-being, I believe this. I simply have not been voicing my voice I guess. This passive therapy is perhaps too passive. I feel no sense of accomplishment. No sense of taking/asserting my power. It is a bit bewildering although I do believe the science is sound on an - ironically- intuitive and empirical (hate the word though - it smacks of , oh I don't know, imperialism!) level.